I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
