I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pants are for mortals
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
