I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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