At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You took a bar mat shot.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
