She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
