You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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