not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
