Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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