Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
