thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
