we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
