Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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