how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
