i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
