just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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