until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
