Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
