at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
