I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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