Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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