SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
