i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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