then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
