I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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