Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
