I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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