Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
