My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
