Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
