You're my little dorito
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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