what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
