haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize