There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
