About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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