A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
