He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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