Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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