He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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