So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
