is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
