how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
