I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
