why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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