I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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