I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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