I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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