hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
