Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
