Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
