the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
