his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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