how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This house was built for laser tag.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dick very happy bro
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
