If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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