So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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