he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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