i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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