Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's just so happy...and so naked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
