If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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