I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
