I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
