you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
