drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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