She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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