girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
