just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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