I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
