I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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