please come you make the beer taste better
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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