maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
