just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
