i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
