I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
