He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
