Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
