My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my poor anus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
