i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
