I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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