so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
