u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
