Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
