Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
