We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
