I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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