One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
