it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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